“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”
Bessel van der Kolk
Trauma
Most of us will experience some form of trauma or overwhelming stress at some point in our lives. Trauma happens when an experience feels like too much, too soon, too fast, and we don’t have the capacity to manage or cope in that moment.
If stress continues over a longer period and isn’t processed or integrated, it can build up in the body and nervous system. This can deeply affect our health and wellbeing.
Our capacity to cope isn’t fixed, it’s shaped by many factors and changes throughout life. If we become overstretched, try to push through or lack the resources we need, our nervous system may start sending signals of distress that it has reached, or even gone beyond, its limits.
These signals may show up as both physical and emotional symptoms including migraines, insomnia, joint pains, abdominal tension, digestive issues, shoulder and neck tension, dizziness or even fainting. They may also take the form of anxiety, panic attacks, persistent fear, or repetitive, intrusive thoughts.
Relational or attachment trauma
When safety and secure connection are missing in early relationships or there was a lack of welcome into the world, it can leave lasting effects on how we experience ourselves and others. This may show up as a sense of not belonging, feeling like an outsider, generalised anxiety, inner confusion, overwhelm, disconnection, shame or patterns of withdrawal.
At the core of relational trauma is the pain of broken connection. This often leads to a lack of inner trust and a deep distrust of others. Without steady support, many people weren’t shown how to manage big feelings or given the sense that: difficult things happen, it isn’t my fault, and I can find my way through. Healing involves gently rebuilding the link between mind and body, creating space to listen and to feel from a grounded place. And learning to know……
I exist
I belong
It’s not my fault
I am worthy
I am loveable
Complex trauma often arises as part of early developmental trauma where there is repeated or prolonged experiences of fear, neglect, abuse or misattunement, which overwhelm a person’s natural coping strategies. It can profoundly affect how individuals perceive themselves, regulate their emotions, and relate to others. One common response to such trauma is dissociation, the splitting off or compartmentalising of memories, emotions, or aspects of the self, as a way to survive the overwhelming experiences. The impact of complex trauma is both psychological and physical, affecting patterns of thinking, bodily sensations, and behaviour. It is often accompanied by long periods of nervous system dysregulation and chronic stress. Over time, this can contribute to health conditions such as chronic fatigue, pain conditions, autoimmune issues, and anxiety.
Healing involves creating a sense of safety, gradually reconnecting with disconnected parts of the self, and developing skills to process emotions and build relationships. With understanding, compassion, and consistent support in a safe relationship, it is possible to integrate these experiences and reclaim a sense of wholeness. In turn resilience grows and a renewed connection with our natural life force emerges.